I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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