I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Vodka?
Forever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
