You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it because I queefed?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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