I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
