she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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