There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
