We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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