Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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