forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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