Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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