I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Randomize
