I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize