seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
