More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
