we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
