Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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