there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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