I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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