don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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