One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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