My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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