Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
