Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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