Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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