Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm so fucking centered right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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