HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize