hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
