just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
