Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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