I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
