I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
