I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
