This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
