RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
