My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will be naked everywhere
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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