Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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