Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
