Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You made out with two different species that night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Congratulations! We have a period
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