I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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