its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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