I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
