I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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