dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i think i have two assholes
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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