You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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