she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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