College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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