There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize