I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
