miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize