just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
