she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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