Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
