Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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