god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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