my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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