Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
