what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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