My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
