now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
