If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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