I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
