the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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