your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
