There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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