thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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