She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
