I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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