So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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