she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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