no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
