Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
