Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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