Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
