I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
His nipple licking is glorious
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