He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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