Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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