I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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