Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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