that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
