Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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