do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
